


I'm going to be strong

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Divorce, Getting Back Together, I Love You, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Suggested Smut, author is a cockblock, france totally isn't about to beg, no actual smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:06:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>France decides he's had enough of living alone with regret. he's going to give loving Arthur one last goddamned try before he gives up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm going to be strong

**Author's Note:**

> References to self harm and possible suicide attempt. PLEASE do not read if that will set you off.

This was so stupid. This was so stupid, even Gilbert had given him a sad look. 

Everyone had been giving him sad looks lately. 

Francis Bonnefoy was sad and tired of limping around like a kicked dog. If he was going to go down, he was going to go down kicking and screaming – not begging, he wasn’t that low, not yet. But he wasn’t going to just give up on – on – 

Was there even a word for unadultered joy? Because he’d had it, once. Sometimes there was fighting, sure. Sometimes the screaming fits had left him wanting to end everything immediately.

But if France knew about love, it was that it was worth it. Sometimes it hurt, sometimes it made him want to gouge his heart out but – it was worth. 

He just really hoped that Arthur wouldn’t punch him this time. Walking around with a huge black eye didn’t help with his feelings of defeat and regret. 

Francis decided that letting himself into Arthur’s house was not a good plan at this point. Last time it had only earned him a string of curses and flying fists. 

He wanted it end joyfully this time. 

Francis needed this happily ever after. Needed. 

So he knocked. 

“Come in!” His ex lover’s heavily accented voice rang from somewhere in the house, probably the kitchen. 

Francis carefully opened the door. Had he been expecting someone else? Mathew maybe? 

Or –another man? 

God forbid. 

He slipped off his shoes. Years of nagging about that habit seemed to finally be kicking in. 

Too little too late. 

“Make sure you take off your shoes.” 

Damn. Now he was going to cry. 

Francis sniffed and furiously rubbed his eyes. This was not going to go down like this. He’d given himself so many pep talks! This wasn’t going to turn into begging and tears! He was strong….

He walked to the kitchen door and hovered uncomfortably in the doorway. 

Arthur was same as ever, hunched rather clumsily over a pot of something that appeared to be smoking. 

“Well are you going to – “ Arthur turned, and stopped. A small, slightly scared sounding noise escaped hid throat. “Ah - “ he cleared his throat. 

“Hello Francis.” 

“Bonjour Arthur.”Francis’s voice cracked. This was so hard. So hard. 

“Do you need anything?”England asked carefully. 

Had they told him? Francis had thought it was a secret! Only a few people knew about it! Who told him? No, don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t answer truthfully either, it would be embarrassing to tell Arthur he needed him. 

Shameful, even. 

“No. I just – wanted to see you.” 

“Oh.” England seemed disappointed. Francis tried not to read into it too much. 

Francis took a step forward, soon he was striding across the kitchen floor. 

What he wanted was his precious England in his arms. 

What he got was the aching familiarity of his warmth with none of the ease, the well remembered smell of burning food without the laughter and happiness. 

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” England asked, looking him up and down worriedly. 

Damn. He so knew. Who could have possibly told him?

“I am sure.”Francis whispered, trying not to stare longingly. 

Arthur seemed stymied for a response. 

“Are you happy?”Francis asked. 

“Am I – well I – “Arthur bit his lip, thinking. “I have Mathew and Alfred and my baking – “ he moved the pot off the stove without looking at it. 

“I’ve got plenty of things to do – “

“Are you happy?” Francis put his hands in his pockets. While he tried to relax, the tension in his shoulders betrayed how anxious he was for   
Arthur’s real answer. 

“I – “ Arthur took a deep breath. “No… Are you?”

“No.” Francis answered honestly, for once. “No, I’m not.”

Arthur crossed his arms over his chest and took a deep breath. “I’m – I’m sorry that I was so harsh with you.”

Francis blinked. “You – wait – “ he attempted to process the conversation that Arthur seemed to be trying to start. 

He took another deep breath. “I kind of deserved your scorn, I drank and got into trouble instead of supporting you and the kids.” Francis winced at that thought. He’d thought for the longest time that the only person he’d hurt was himself. 

It was Arthur’s turn to wince. “But I should have asked for your help – I should have tried to help when you started drinking instead of attacking you – “

Francis cut off Arthur’s apology with a rough kiss. He wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist and held on tight, afraid he would push away.   
Arthur surprised Francis by only pulling his mouth away. 

“I – Can – can I – “ Francis stuttered. 

Arthur decided too that the best way to shut a person up was to kiss them. He took his distraction a little more gently though, caressing Francis’s cheek and jaw. 

Francis practically moaned with longing for the love that used to drive him. 

Arthur paused to breath, slightly flushed. “Francis – “

Francis whimpered, and sank to his knees, nearly knocking Arthur over. “P-please don’t send me away.” 

Damnit he was begging. Where had his backbone gone? Where had his resolve and will of iron disappeared to? How had this skinny, hot little man bewitched him so? 

“I’m not going to send you away – “ Arthur knelt down, and gently grabbed Francis’s chin. “And I’m not doing this because I heard about what   
happened either. This isn’t pity, so don’t ask.”

Francis’s eyes watered, he just couldn’t help it. He was a man of emotion, and goddamn god for making him like this! “I – I – “ 

“I love you too.” Arthur whispered, pressing a delicate kiss to his forehead. 

Francis sniffed. “Are we going to marriage therapy now then?”

“Probably?”

“Was Mathew the one to tell you?”

“Yes.” 

“Damn him.” 

Arthur gently patted his cheek. “I would have found out eventually, everybody knows about it.”

Francis shuddered. “Everybody?” he squeaked. Was he really that weak? That obvious? 

“Everybody.” Arthur gently hugged him. “I wish – I wish I could have been there to help you.”

Francis hoped Arthur knew that he had done it because of him. He hoped that he knew, because he was too ashamed to say it. 

“You always were one for dramatic statements.” Arthur sighed, gently grabbing Francis’s arms. 

Francis watched in horrified fascination as Arthur’s hands slid down his arms to his wrists. He nearly whimpered as his delicate fingers brushed the bandages hidden under a large jacket. 

“I – I’m sorry.” He whispered, completely ashamed. 

“No.” Arthur kissed the top of his head. “Never.” 

Francis nodded slightly. “Can – May I stay here the night?” 

Arthur nodded. “I’ve missed you… Besides, you’re pretty handsome.”

Francis looked up suddenly, nearly clipping Arthur’s chin. “Did you just call me hot?”

“I didn’t use that word – “

“Good God, you’re flirting with me!”

Arthur blushed a little. “What if I am?”

Francis chuckled, all thoughts of death gone. “I think you’re hot too – I’d g as far as to say you’re sexy.”

“If you think you can get in my pants this fast, you’re dead wrong.” Arthur crossed his arms and his legs. 

Francis smirked. “Riiiiiight. Just you wait.” 

 

~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~

 

They talked for hours. Both of them cried at least three times, though none of them would admit it the next day. Francis had his scars given ‘mama’s kisses’ as Alfred used to say. Arthur had his face and neck given ‘sexy kisses’ as Francis himself used to and still calls them. Unfortunately for Francis, Arthur pushed him off with a breathy moan, denying how turned on he was and how hot Francis was and just denying everything. 

Finally, Arthur yawned, a signal to Francis that it was time to herd things upstairs. 

He gently grabbed Arthur’s arm and steered him to bed. 

“Francis – “Arthur yawned again. “Francis what are you doing – “ 

Francis answered with a gentle kiss. 

“Oh. I see.” Sleepy Arthur seemed to take the kiss as an adequate explanation. 

Francis kissed him again, wrapping his arms around his waist and pulled him close. 

“I – ah – “Arthur splayed his hands over Francis’s chest, his smile slightly lopsided. “What I said earlier about getting into my pants – “

Francis grinned, pushing him back onto the bed. “Yes?”

“I take it back?”Arthur squeaked. “I mean – “

Francis cut off his embarrassed rambling with a hungry kiss. Arthur wrapped his arms around his shoulders. 

They were all grasping arms and greedy hands. Anxious, whimpering moans escaped Arthur’s throat as Francis bit and kissed his way down his neck. 

Francis grinned, taking a deep breath. “I missed those noises you make.”

Arthur took a shuddery breath. “Yes, well.” He looked around, obviously biting back something he wanted to say. 

“Yes?” Francis breathed, gently tracing circles on Arthur’s exposed collar bone. 

Arthur whimpered again, clenching his fists. “I – I missed this too - “ 

Francis took that as an invitation to unbutton Arthur’s shirt and bless his yearning skin with kisses. 

Arthur moaned, grabbing Francis’s collar. Through some feat of mechanics the clumsy British man got Francis’s shirt off too. 

While France would not call this their most passionate session yet it was definitely one of the tenderest. His wild kisses soon died into little adoring touches that elicited more moans than he thought they would. Arthur hands explored Francis’s torso reverently, as if this was their last dance. 

“Is this alright?” Francis asked, trailing his fingers over the belt button of Arthur’s pants. 

“yes.” 

Again, this was not their hottest, wildest sex ever. 

But it was sweet slow, a little awkward at some points maybe. Francis couldn't find the bottle of lube and Arthur kept laughing because 'that tickled!' but - all in all - it was the most love either of them had gotten in a long time. 

Afterwords, they collapsed in a sweaty heap at the end of the bed (Neither of them could remember how they got there). 

"I love you." Francis whispered breathlessly. 

"I I love you too." Arthur shuddered, and pulled him closer. "Stay close to me, it's cold."

Francis laughed. "I love you after sex so much!"

Arthur blushed. "Well - you always were kind of a pervert." 

Francis chuckled, teasingly pinching Arthur's ass. "But it's so satisfying listening to the noises you make!" 

Arthur became dark red, and his face in the pillow. 

"I love you." Francis whispered apologetically, kissing the back of Arthur's neck.

"I love you too." Arthur mumbled into the pillow, still embarrassed. "I love you too."


End file.
